i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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