i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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