The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
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Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
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You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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