the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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