It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
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He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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