No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
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Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
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Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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