I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize