My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
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Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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