he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
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I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
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I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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