I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize