Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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