There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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