There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
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We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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