Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
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