You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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