i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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