WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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