My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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