I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
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Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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