the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
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He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I want a musical about memes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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