Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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