why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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