I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize