I wanna bring you to show and tell
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize