And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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