i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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