every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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