I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
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I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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