I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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