If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize