this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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