before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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