clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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