Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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