Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My pussy is not your playground.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
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how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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