Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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