2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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