It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
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im calling her cock vulture from now on
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
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i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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