i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How does one acquire holy water?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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