my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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