ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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