it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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