people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
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We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
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Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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