Can Purell be used as lube?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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