I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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