After last night, I could never be a politician.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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