saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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