He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
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Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
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We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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