Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i think my tv is drunk
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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