I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize